On driving, jay walking and work deprivation

Beep! Beep! Here I come!
I’m a born speed racer so you’d better run!

Driving in Cairo has become a skill. Not so much the ability to melodically shift gears at the right times (even though most people have converted to the religion of ‘automatic gear shift’) as the talent to avoid ramming your car into one of the several drivers out there whose licenses should have been revoked years ago. Let’s reminisce on the common lane shifting without signals, sudden remembering that you were supposed to turn at the last right and have to reverse in a one way street, people taking their cars out for a walk while listening to abhorring music, and the ever present double and triple parking, preferably in a no parking zone. Just to mention a few, of course.

Beep! Beep! Watch me fly!
If you get in my way then I’ll watch you die!

The one thing you have to wonder about most is whether avoiding jay walkers falls under the same category of skills needed to call yourself and Egyptian driver, or not. Sidewalks are obviously ignored as useless blocks of cement vendors illegally use to increase their sales surface area. Even if the sidewalks are free, the majority of the population would rather have near death experiences than safely find their ways home. And God forbid they use a pedestrian bridge or tunnel to cross a busy road! No, no, no! Dance your way between the cars in a way that could get you an act with the cirque du soleil, and hope you don’t get hit by a bus.

Beep! Beep! Here I roam!
Work is overrated and I won’t go home!

But, let’s be honest, the majority of the time, you don’t really get the chance to show off your unique formula one driving skills. Rush hour has become a 24-hour phenomenon (or, to be fair, you could probably drive above 10km/h after 2 am). If you remember, work around the city starts at 8 or 9 am and usually ends between 3 and 5 pm. Putting that into consideration, what the hell are all those people doing in the street during working hours? Don’t tell me they’re all on vacation, unemployed or running work errands, because quite frankly that would be an acute and ludicrous explanation. It’s not only bewildering, but deeply aggravating. And then we wonder why things never get done.

Beep! Beep! You’re out of luck!
I drive the way I want and I don’t give a fuck!